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What Does Submissive Mean To You?
In an earlier conversation with another Mistress it was remarked that a sub had a very big ego.  That led us to thinking and eventually questioning, what is a sub?

We came to the decision that it is a very personal perception and in a couple what one saw as being submissive another could see as being weak. 

For example, Lockit is not a stereotypical submissive, in fact if you met us in real life you probably wouldn’t see him as submissive at all.  He is a macho manly man wide shouldered and very protective of me as he goes about his daily life. Your first impression would probably be that he was a gentleman.  Lockit is however submissive to me and makes great efforts to see that my wants and desires are met.  Sometimes before I even ask or require something.  I am happy with that.

My fellow Mistress sees a submissive as someone who is much more dependent on their Mistress.  Looking for permissions frequently and more bound by obligations.  Their daily life coming second to the desires and wishes of their Mistress.  She is happy with being that Mistress.

Neither of us is wrong in our definition, as a submissive should be able to serve the Dominant in the manner best suited to both of them.  

Lockit and I work as a team, we complement each other, not least because I am not exactly practical and very accident prone. He on the other hand fixes things and makes sure that my ideas are tempered with reality as he tries to keep me safe.

My fellow Mistress enjoys a more obvious show of submission in all things, that is what makes her happy.  Her submissive is very happy to have someone instruct his life in detail.

It begs the question, what does submissive mean to you?
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  • coffee2sugars
Being submissive for me is usually a very private thing between me and the wife. 

We do not make a show of it in public and socially besides the key on her neck I doubt anyone would know.

I only consider myself sexually submissive to her. We don't have a FLR and domestically we are usually equals. I will  do more than my fair share of the house work but it is something I offer to do as a show of respect, gratitude and simply because I love her. 

We do have long scenes where the balance of power is adjusted to her benefit for example if we introduce forced feminisation, maid play and or some other scenario but in general the balance of power in those scenes is restored when the scene ends. A big part of the reason for this is children and family at home don't need to be subjected to our lifestyle but also because I like to make her feel special on my own merits rather than have her force me to do it.

Other Dom's and people in general are always treated and spoken to with respect but they are not my Dom and they have not earnt my trust. I am not and will never be submissive to a stranger who has given themselves the title of Mistress. 

I would however submit to another Mistress if they had taken the time to earn both mine and my wife's trust and respect. I would of course only do so with the permission of my wife.

I believe the dynamics of our relationship will change a great deal when we have a hoise to ourselves.
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You know, this reads like a grown up and proper conversation to the question perennially asked by newbies (and often clueless not-so newbies) along the lines of "What are the rules for being a dom/me | sub | sissy | in chastity ... etc"

The general answer, of course, is that there are no rules except those created by the people involved in the awareness of who they are and what they need from each other.  It also goes without saying that a strong relationship always evolves and so do the mutual rules governing it.

Virtually every domme I have gotten to know fairly well values a sub who can maintain their own independence whilst being capable of dropping in to sub mode in response to both the conscious and unconscious signals they send to each other.  It's an old cliche that kink generally forms a very small amount of time within a D/s relationship.  Enhancing all aspects of each other is what most seek above all else.  In the submissive role this more often than not is indeed an anticipation of needs and moods of the dominant.

I know some dommes in to high protocol, which seems to be an absurdity to me.  In my vanilla world I am, if not a testosterone fuelled alpha, at least one in control, command and a leader when necessary.  The dommes I have had relationships with have valued that independence and especially valued that it turns in to deep submissiveness only for them.  To me, high protocol is the slippery slope to the doormat sub and I prefer to temper my submission with a retention of the strong individual - and yeah, that's got me in to painful trouble at times.

Without putting Jules and Lockit in a box I see parallels with my ex-domme and myself.  The seeming contradiction of being submissive and yet very protective, sometimes aggressively.  Sometimes it elicits the reaction from others that you can't be a true sub because you're not being submissive to everybody - to which my answer was and always will be "**** off".

I should add that with my ex-domme I thought I understood what submission was to me.  I was very happy with that level of self-knowledge and the relationship built around it.  More recently I'm having to revise my understanding of submission and myself.  The fundamentals of vanilla life and where it fits have not changed but I've been shown some very deep levels of submissiveness I didn't know existed.  Not sure I can evaluate and articulate that now but I'll probably post thoughts in the future.

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